Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Thoughts of Newtown

I'm a big fan of the Delilah radio show.  I find her voice to be very soothing, and I love her personality.  Yesterday I received one of her emails that she sends out to all of her followers.  Her words brought comfort at a much needed time since Friday.  She shared a link for all those who are wanting to reach out to the Newtown community.  There are so many wonderful sites to send donations to plus a site where you can send messages to the family members that they will receive at a later date.  You can find that information by clicking here.     

There hasn't been a day or an hour that has gone by that the Sandy Hook Elementary have not been in my thoughts.  My heart has felt heavier since that day but the thought of doing some good either for the victims in this town or for my own home or community makes my time on Earth feel a little more bearable.  To be able to do something or say something to help with the healing is right now the most important gift on my list.

I debated talking about this on my blog because it's just such pure heartache, but yesterday when I received Delilah's email it just felt like the right thing to do.  To at least share the link so that others feeling the same pain I do can know how to reach out if they didn't know before.  I know that since Friday time was in slow motion for me.  I didn't get frustrated with the toys on my floor or the messes in my house.  Instead I hugged my children tighter than normal and I took longer looks.  Much longer looks. 

I wrote a poem about two years ago.  It just kind of fits how I'm feeling in my heart right now and I wanted to share this poem with you all.  It's titled Toys on the Floor.

Toys on the Floor
By Tara McGowan
There are toys on the floor that need to be picked up!!!
I painfully step on
Legos, Little People and Polly Pockets,
Transformers, tractors and dinosaurs.
It’s moments like these
I wish I was on the sea shore.
These toys scattered everywhere
can make me feel crazy.
Under my breath I mumble,
“Toys go in the toy box.  Kids don’t be so lazy!”

Each stage of their childhood we've pretty much kept it all,
from teething toys to Candyland and little bouncy balls.
We have pictures taken on birthdays and Christmas.
Each child playing with their brand new toy.
You can see it on their little faces
all of their excitement and joy.
As I lay my children down to sleep I can see their love of a bear.
Their arm wrapped tightly around it sound asleep without a care.
Thoughts of them taking their dolly wherever they go.
Having tea parties or picnics or watching a show.
These toys on the floor won't be here forever I know.
My children will not be little much longer it's so.
Like their tiny hand prints on my windows before I wipe them away,
take hold of the time you have them and get to watch them play.
I look down at the floor and smile at what lies before me.
Each day I have left is a sweet gift I've been given.
It's these toys on the floor that remind me
I am blessed to have children.
My sister and I discussed yesterday about family and their normal routine.  Getting kids out of bed, dressed and fed and off to school.  The rush and hustle and bustle of early morning.  Wondering that the people in Newtown's morning was no doubt the same as everyone else getting their kids off to school and getting to work or meetings on time.  Thinking of those parents did they get a hug in or a kiss goodbye.  Hoping they aren't beating themselves up if they didn't because you know they did so many times before. 

It was heart wrenching and comforting to read of one of the boys, who's life was taken so early, that his morning was spent playing foosball and jingle bells on the piano with his family.  Another child's morning was spent having breakfast at the family's favorite deli.  What a great way to start the day with a child.  What a wonderful memory they can hold as dear as the pictures in their albums since the day of their births.  We don't know what the future holds for us and some say when it's my time it's my time.  I agree with that and remind myself over and over to not get upset over these little things like these toys on the floor.  To have more patience to give 100% of my time to a child when they need it from me at that moment even if that moment isn't the best time for me.  Because the truth is that moment is and always will be the very best moment it could possibly ever be. 

A moment before bed with my three.

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